He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
