Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
