I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
