I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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