I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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