To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize