but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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