3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
