Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
