Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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