Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
