billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
