if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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