Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize