Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please come you make the beer taste better
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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