That's intense
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
