it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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