Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hippo gnu deer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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