She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
