man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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