She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
