Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
