During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
