Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
