Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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