I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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