Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
