Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
