no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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