The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
