420 ftw
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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