i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
