After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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