4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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