no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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