Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
