You're my little dorito
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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