In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
