Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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