I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
