just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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