I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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