Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
