you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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