Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
