Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
