Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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