Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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