Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
