The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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