Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
