the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
