Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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