Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
