But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize