Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
