You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
