I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
