So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
