wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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