He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
