So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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