well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
