Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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