Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
