break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
