I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
