The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
