mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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