Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
