she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
