Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
