2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
