Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
